The foods not to order on a first date

We’ve all been there.

Cute guy,

first date,

and BAM

that dinner invitation arrives.

Why are first-date dinners so scary?

Apart from the fact that you’re sitting alone with your date at the restaurant, and you NEED to get the conversation flowing while looking like a sex bomb, nothing at all right?

No pressure whatsoever.

When you take a look at that menu, forget about what you’re craving, and start thinking about the way you’ll look while you’re eating that food. TRUST ME.

Get something simple to eat, that does NOT require your hands.

Here are 6 foods you should cross off the first-date dinner list:

1. Pizza

Do not, under any circumstances, order pizza on your first date. It may sound like a good idea when you see that he’s ordering it, but it is NOT.

I REPEAT, it is NOT a good idea.

Let me tell you a quick story about my sister, Giulia.

So my sister had some issues in the past (I had to use past tense or she’ll hurt me), especially when she was 16. She was dating this really cute guy and in her head they could only see each other during the evening. It’s like she was a vampire or something, during the day it would be PROHIBITED to see the guy.

So of course he decided to invite her for dinner as a first date (for Giulia that worked fine because in her head the sun had set).

He decided  to order pizza, and since she did not know what to order and was PANICKING already, she decided to go along with him, and order a margherita.

BAD IDEA.

When the pizza arrived, she started cutting it (and she wasn’t very skilled at it), and as she was cutting it, the pizza flew from the plate, onto the center of the table.

She was mortified. Looking away, trying to get her pizza back on her plate.

Her date was a gentleman, and pretended not to notice (although looking the other way when this was happening, I don’t know how he did it)!

That’s not all.

Nope.

Not only did the pizza end up on the table, leading Giulia to grab it and put it back on her plate  (looking like a monkey), when she had the pizza back on the plate, she folded the pizza in two in order to avoid getting anything stuck in her teeth, and the whole mozzarella started coming out of the pizza.

NOT SEXY AT ALL.

He looked the other way again.

2. Temakis at a Japanese restaurant

This one happened to me.

I went to have dinner with this guy on our second dinner together, and we went to a Japanese restaurant.

I am obsessed with temakis. They are SOSOSO good.

So naturally I ordered a temaki.

The problem is that I never pictured myself eating temakis.

And when that giant temaki arrived, and I started eating it, I noticed that I must NOT look sexy while eating it.

Trying to get a normal bite without destroying the temaki while him looking at you the whole time. NEVER AGAIN.

3. Pasta all’arrabbiata

Pasta all’arrabbiata is a pasta with a spicy tomato sauce sprinkled with parsley.

You might think that the spice is a great aphrodisiac (and we all agree) but I don’t think parsley stuck on your teeth is very appealing. Do you agree?

The problem is that at this restaurant, they sprinkled a little too much of parsley.

So I ended up going to the bathroom after three bites of the pasta.  Trying to take off all the parsley.

I was trying not to smile and I smile A LOT. Like I’m going to have so many wrinkles for how much I smile.

4. Lobster/Shellfish

So yummy and juicy.

But a first date is NOT the moment to order that yummy lobster.

Why is that? Well, because lobsters are wrapped up in a shell.

And usually, you have to take the meat out of the claws on your own with a bunch of weird looking tools.

So imagine:

Your first date, trying to have a nice conversation with your date, trying to look good,

and making a disaster when you try to open up those claws.

My brother had an unfortunate event: he was opening up the lobster and he pressed too hard and the lobster flew and the whole sauce splashed on the white wall of the restaurant. Thank God that it was not on a first date!

I know this may seem like a joke, but it isn’t. Here’s a picture to prove it:

5. Soup

This is pretty self-explanatory.

Who wants to look at a person that looks clumsy while eating?

Maybe while you’re trying to get a spoonful of that soup you spill it…

or even worse you slurp (ew).

Just forget the soup ok?

6. Spaghetti or any type of long pasta

Trying to get the perfect forkful of pasta is never too easy. Even if you’re Italian.

Imagine while you’re being starred at and it’s the first date.

And maybe while you’re getting that forkful of pasta, you splatter the sauce on your perfect outfit.

Just don’t.

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2 Comments

  1. If you plan on giving a kiss at the end of the date, skip anything with seafood. There is no chewing gum that will erase fish breath. ?????

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